Living with chaos theory.

I'm just making it up as I go along. Isn't that what most of are doing on this tiny blue planet today? We make those connections which later might be hurtful, helpful, or they simply fade away. It's all about cultivation for longevity with friendships, or any other of the connections we make. Whether those connections are business or personal.

The choices we sometimes make, as we are making things up are the mortar and pestle which grind us up into new creatures. The trials by fire, recombinations, and general discombobulations that don't make sense. The random thoughts like this one about the trout and upstream swimming.

What's the point of all of it? If we're just making this stuff up. Are we handed a script, or do we write our own lines. Even the few of us who do plan out their lives, are usually dismayed when they discover that their plans have been revised.

Maybe life is the embodiment of chaos theory. Those few quiet moments we find to ourselves, the tiny windows of order.

"Do Unto Others."

The golden rule. We should all try to live by it. But, what does it really mean?
"Do unto others, as you'd have them do unto you."

Does the inverse of that rule apply? If someone is crude or rude, do you have the right to be crude to them in exchange? I feel that it does. The scientists and mathematicians have long postulated that all forces have their inverse. If a rock is still and another rock strikes it, then it will move in response. There are billions of correllations in nature which prove the concept of reciprocation. Yet, in our ordinary daily lives, do our actions have their reciprocations in positive and negative consequence. I feel that they do.

What do you think?

Is it escalation to be crude to someone in return who has proven themselves to be crude to you? Or does another of the Christian precepts come into play, that of turning the other cheek? Isn't it a contradiction which sets the devout follower of these rules to be beaten down by life on a constant basis. Shouldn't there be a response for crudity, and rude behavior which is enacted by man upon man?

The Peter Principal

Does anyone else think that we are reaching our level of incompetence as stated in the "Peter Principal" as a society? Our media organizations leap to sensational and unproven facts for their reports, creating hysteria in the population by passing along unfounded and shady details without full revelations. The governments of the world are being led by figures no more qualified to flip a hamburger, and still in possession of teenage 'I'm infallible' pride. The commoner on the streets doesn't seem to even really put a stake in the world around them, much like a teenager. Are we as a society at the stage where we should be, or are we beginning to collapse under the enormous wealth of knowledge that we've gained in the last 100 years?
I'm a watcher of world and national events. I try to figure out where I fit into those things, and where me and those I care about are going to be as a result of things happening in the world. I've got to say, I'm really not feeling good about the state of the world at this point in history. There seems to be some major changes on the horizon for humanity on this little blue planet, and they don't seem to be good changes.
Take the US Government for instance, there's a showdown between the three branches of government occurring right now. It's a remarkable thing to see the government in action, but it sheds more light upon the incompetence of the person which was 'allegedly' elected by the masses. Two branches of government want a designated time of withdrawal from a conflict which one branch of government seems to want to continue indefinitely. Our George W. Bush wants to continue pouring money and the blood of soldiers into a conflict which was exacerbated by his cowboy tactics and still chooses not to relent when presented with logic. Should the citizenry of the U.S. sit idly by while he ursurps the delicate balance between the three branches of U.S. Government created by the founding fathers a short 200 years ago? My money is on, yes they will. People in the country are so complacent and unwilling to speak out for fear of reprisals. The patriotism of the ordinary American is impotent, there's undercurrents of disgust, but no real call to action which could accomplish the goals of good governance and regaining the reputation which America had in the world nearly 8 years ago now. This President has done more governing by fear than any other President within my 34 year lifetime, and that is in my mind incompetent. This President has overstepped his station in so many ways throughout his time in office, while it might not seem to be incompetent, it's certainly not following the guidelines of his office. Think about all of the 700+ signing statements which he has attached to bills which he has signed, more than any other president in American history.

Ok, I've ranted enough about the government.

Worry about yourself?

Why is everyone so worried about being 'cool' or accepted by the masses? Who really gives a crap? In the end, it's just you. You've got to wake up everyday, regardless if you wake up with anyone else, there's no one else there in your head. Well, unless you happen to be one of the few with a couple of extras up there between your ears. I guess what I'm really getting at is, why's it so important to each of us to be loved and accepted by either those we know or those we don't know? When it's really only us that we should really be worrying about. It's just you that can stomach you every day, so take care of yourselves and look out for each of you out there.

Roast Beast

He broke away from them, from all of them. The reasons were unknown to them, but he knew best. It was in the depths of the mild winter that it became apparent that all of the life that he thought he'd known was nothing but a waste. He was alone, it seemed everyone in his life meant little to him anymore, and nothing in life seemed to matter greatly other than finishing up school, regardless of what anyone else thought or said, that was one thing which was going to come to fruition.

It was on December 24th, Christmas Eve 2006 that he made the final breaks with family and friends. A bag packed and the car gassed it was time to leave the small town forever and to never look back. No glances over shoulders, or furtive wondering over the reflections in rearview mirrors, leaving was imminent and ever-present. Lunch had gone poorly, in fact, the whole holiday season had gone terribly. The people who he thought he knew, turned out to be strangers. The sense of self which had been built into him through his 34 years had been shattered by a few months worth of disappointments and a few moments of confrontation. Suddenly; there at rock-bottom, new life and light began to burn.

Ramblin around

Does anyone else wonder sometimes, What am I doing here? I get the feeling, quite often that there's something I should be doing; like the nagging feeling that you're forgetting something when you're leaving the house. Or maybe that's just me.
I get those feelings like I'm forgetting something pretty often, and usually it's because I have I find out later when I figure out what it is that I've forgotten. It's usually something as silly as my cup of coffee in the morning or a piece of mail. Although, where does that 'nagging feeling' come from? Is it rooted deeply in this treadmill existence that we're all living? Are we such creatures of habit that any change in our surroundings confuses us?

Things happen in all our lives which upset the norm, and this is usually a great thing for growth. Whether or not we know it, there's some force driving all of our lives. Call it God, call it Universe, call it whatever but whether or not we've got free-will, there's too much that you can pick up if you just tune into what the Universe has to say for there not to be something out there, somewhere else.

Simple Things

Sometimes, I get the impression that as a race we spend a lot of time deceiving ourselves into believing things. Whether it's something about who we think we are or what we believe, we all spend time telling ourselves things to find some meager piece of mind to get us through the day. It's really an exercise in futility and it doesn't do anything except upset the rest of the people in our lives which are affected by the fantasies which we construct to make ourselves feel better about who we think we are.

I'm tired of being an ant and going through the motions of living with my head down. I don't know about the rest of you out there, but isn't it about time to open up to the rest of what there is on this planet outside of yourself? I spend a lot of time observing other people, and I have to say most everyone seems to be so into themselves and unconscious of anyone around them.

Try this out, next time you're standing in line at the grocery store, department store, market, or whatever. Take a few moments to watch how people interact with the cashier. Only a few will converse with them, a select few will show genuine interest in them as more than a money changer. Then when it's your turn, strike up a conversation, smile at them, show some genuine interest in their situation. It's a simple thing.

Who Knows, maybe there isn't....

Lately, odd forces have been at work in me, propelling me towards action. We look so often in our lives for moments of inaction, for 'down-time' those few stolen moments that we choose to share with our solitary selves. But, then at other times...there are moments when the Universe tells us we must seek the opposite. We are driven to seek out something other than ourself. Something which is a compliment to who we perceive ourselves to be.

Tomorrow, I have to take care of some personal business which has been a detriment to what Maslow would call my 'self-actualization'. This is a situation which has been on-going for over a year now and it's really been something which has given me a signifcant amount of pause in descisions which I've made or directions I've chosen to go. But, now that I'm staring it in the face, I'm forced to wonder why I've allowed this thing to hold me back in such a way?
The importance which I personally placed upon this event, this problem in my own life has ruled me, and I've allowed it to unable to do anything other than to wait.

Now, that I've waited all this time, I'm still grappling with the feeling of dread which comes with finally meeting the situation face to face. I know that I'm going to be fine no matter what happens with the situation, I know that after a few more hours of waiting that this too will pass much the same as anything else we face in our daily existence. But, this has been such a detrimental thing to me over the past year and a half that I've grown to put such limitations on myself and to cease the seeking which I'd previously been a part of.

I think that in the larger picture, that we choose to put the brakes on our own lives from time to time. It's a necessity, we have to pause to take stock of things, sometimes, those brakes that we choose are our own, and sometimes it's the Universe which determines that we need to look around and see where we are in our lives.


Who knows? Maybe there isn't a vein of stars calling out my name..
No glow, up above our heads..
Nothing there to see you down on your knees..

I like to think that there's something up there, something outside ourselves that we spend time in communication with. A force, whether it's God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddah, Confucius, Mohammed, Allah, or some other Diety which I've neglected to name that each of us communicates with for our direction. Perhaps it's just some higher part of ourselves, maybe the Superego, our center of reason that we ask for how to handle the hurdles in our lives from when we see them approaching to the moment when we finally must lift our leg and surpass them.

The big analogy.

The yin/yang is a familiar Chinese symbol. I thought of it today when I saw an artist rendition of a black hole which some astronomers believe to exist at the center of many galaxies, our own included. The yin/yang essentially means that when a force reaches it's greatest intensity, it's zenith, that it already contains the seed of it's opposite. What if, these black holes at the center of galaxies are the embodiment of that familiar symbol. A universe filled with matter imploding upon itself in a hole of imperceptibility.
If it does absorb all light, energy, matter, and all of the things which our human intellect can perceive of, then where does that indestructible and interchangeable mass and energy dissipate to? Does it pass to another state of dualism hinted at in the yin/yang, being and nothingness? The Universe and not the Universe?
We're a dualistic being, our minds ponder, reality/dreams; light/dark; good/evil; male/female; life/death and millions of other analgous concepts. We build religions around these same concepts as they rule the living of our lives. The image of the black hole today brought those questions above to my mind based on the same concept of the Yin/Yang.

A funny thing happened on the way

A funny thing happened to me recently, I replaced my car. Perhaps that doesn't sound all that 'funny', but I'm not referring to comical. You see, I had been driving a car with no air conditioning in the hottest part of the year, tires which were about to blow, an appetite for oil unsurpassed, and generally just a piece of crap. I bought that car for $400 dollars when I filed for bankruptcy, and I drove it for over a year. Before that, the car was languishing in the country. It belonged to a young couple in a lesser developed part of the area. Needless to say, it was in disrepair when I got it and disrepair when I got rid of it.
Anyway, I was plotting how to replace the crumbling silver 1990 Mazda-MX6, the life waning from it daily. But yet, up until now, for over a year that piece of shit car got me back and forth to work and even some play. The day before I found what I would late call my new car, I'd received the 'blank check' which would free me from one situation and bind me into a financial commitment. Mind you, after driving that car for all of that time, I was ready to do something to get out of it.

So, I'm leaving for work and I've got all my stuff. I notice I've laid out the 'blank check' and I get it, except I can't get it and I drop it. This plays out a few more moments until I finally grab it. Well after I get in my car and down the road, I notice that it's acting really bad. It's making a new chugging noise that I'd not heard it making before, so I pull over and give it some oil. I get back in, and finally after getting further down the road I realize that my car isn't going to make it. So, at that moment I decide to turn around.

The place where I turned around was at the bottom of a long incline, and to cut this short, my car didn't make it up the hill. I coasted over into the median and came to a stop there on the incline up the hill. Luckily, there was a turn out not too far down from where I stopped at. I coasted down the median backward and into the turn out and came to a nice stop facing in sort of a more right direction.

All the while, there I am with my car that I'm trying to get rid of, that I hate, and it dies within walking distance of the dealerships.

It makes me wonder if that chain of events would have played out this way if I hadn't taken the financing packet with me. Would the car have died anyway?

I'm actually glad that it did, and I'm glad things happened the way that they did.

What if?

If the spaces between all of our electrons quarks and muons are composed of an infinite amount of space...then our crux in the cosmos is the frontline of destructions between matter and energy. Each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction, the correlations throughout all our perceptive abilities supports this, but can we extend it to the unseen world around us in each of our moments of waking. All of the negative reactions you have to the world, sooner or later have their equal and opposite positive reaction.
Our conscious is a product of the destruction and emergence of energies, a static flux where there is a constant flow of equal and opposite energies, a nexus where there is a neutral chage, a singular non-polar gateway between.

What if we are the singular, organic cellular part of a large living organism. The Universe, God, Allah, Buddah, Krishna, Vishnu, Shiva, are particles of that, organic thought processes of some larger consciousness. I know, that's been explored through science fiction films as a hackeneyed theme, but what if?

i hope that someone gets my

Just start writing, eventually someone will read it. Maybe the right person will read it, the audience of your communication. Perhaps, it's someone far away that you're in love with. Maybe, by chance she'll see and understand that all those moments stolen actually were building a bond that trancended distances and time. Perhaps, that person feels those same feelings and perhaps they're thinking the same things at the moment you're writing your rant.

I wish I were somewhere in a calm place, near...dear. Breathe, inhale slowly, and taste the moment. Across the gulf, your wild hair hanging about in rivulets, those dark pools lose me within. These moments, stolen as they are leave more fulfillment and lasting joy. We ride those winds and wild waves, across the rift of wires and the electronic chasm, the tremors of life, swimming in the sea, staring into the sands and shorelines....floating in the fields high above the treelines. I laugh with you in silence, as the sun casts a glimmer upon the depths of darkened pools, and then memories..

I awoke, and thought for a moment.

But, it was just a dream.

Still, the night travels remained through the waking day.

Blank

The blank page offers us opportunities to clear out some of the cobwebs which have found their way into the corners of our minds, draped across the panes of our views, and crowded over the unentered passageways of our thoughts. i

Just a blip..

Wouldn't it be remarkable to have spent your entire life in anonymity where no one ever knew your name publicly until you've passed on. Then, upon your passing anyone who drives by the funeral home sees your name there in flashing ten-inch tall letters. For a brief moment, drivers would read your name and wonder about you, who you were, what accomplishments you made in your lifetime, did you have friends, family, were you loved, what you did while you were here. Then, as quickly as your name faded in a blink of electricity the drivers musings would turn to their own safety, their own lives, loves, happinesses, and heartaches. As the last spark of electricity faded from the bulbs that illumined your notoriety for that moment, suddenly you'd be forgotten by people who never knew you.
In this life we're given a few chances to make good on living, much of it happens in fits and starts after a fashion. Though, eventually many of us get something going for ourselves that puts food in our bellies, a roof over our heads, a companion that gives us joy, and maybe some affiliations that provide a modicum of identidy to our meager turnings. Yet, what of those multitudes out there who are living this life in complete anonymity. Those millions of unknowns who if only a moment flash onto our radar and then, disappear

Chatroom B.S. 101

Sometimes, I really question the values that many people wandering the planet these days embrace. You can get a strong sense of large swaths of the population if you spend any time in a chatroom. Granted there are a lot of great people that frequent them, but the freaks and wastes seem to be outnumbering those people lately. Perhaps, it's just me.
I just wonder sometimes, how people who come into a chatroom and deride the other people in there with racial slurs, curses, and hateful comments would actually conduct themselves that way in a public forum. Would the same sexual innuendo, racial hatred, homophobia, misogyny, harassment, and general baser conduct played out in chatrooms fly the same in the real world? If people want to get in a public forum and act this way, why not actually do it then, in the real world? Why bother hiding their true faces behind a flat screen and a 12pt bold font? Might it be that they're afraid to get out there in the world and really let the objects of their angst know how they really feel? Are they afraid that they may be pummeled, drug behind speeding automobiles, or hung from trees if they really began spouting off their vehement hateful remarks in mixed company in the real world?
Then, why do it online? Cowardice, or boredom.

You'd think that as a group of people, that we'd spend all that time trying to figure things out. But, all that energy is wasted on completely useless things. And yet, still it goes on and on.

Oh well....if you can't beat them, join them nicely.

Just another brick.

This world is made of walls, and each of us are but a brick within it. Yes, I was listening to Pink Floyd...get off my back already will ya?
What I wanted to say was that, whatever wall it is, everyone makes up an integral part of it. It might be a wall of solitude, a wall of silence, or a wall of joy...but everyone's got a part to play in this movie show, day in and day out.
I'm not sure what wall I'm a brick in yet. I'm still trying to find that cobble hole where I fit into, especially lately. I think i'm just laying there waiting for someone to pick me up and throw me through a window with a message tied around my waist. Maybe I don't fit into a wall, Maybe I'm one of those bricks that's a part of one of those sidewalk sculptures or a simple cobblestone whose getting run over every day by a train.
I guess all of us need to find where we fit in this crazy mixed up world.