A pause

Well it's finally the end of the day. I'm at that moment of my last bit of introspective thought of the day. When I was writing madly...I would take a few moments with pen and paper just before I hit the light to doze off to sleep and write some free verse. Lately, I've gotten my self back into the habit marginally, and some of the things that have come out of those writings have been good...some...er not so good.
Anyway, things are starting to look up.

What luxury?

The soft solemnity of life's gracious host, occasionally grants us moments of the purest elations. In those moments, we find our hopes, our happiness, and our journey's filled with the bright patches of a sunlit grove of fragrant trees in bloom. I'm finding my way through those shadows of my grove, and allowing the sun to warm my face.

Someone once asked me, 'What luxury would I take from life?' That question and that conversation has stayed with me, and has grown inside me for a long time. From the bloom of friendship, sometimes 'magic happens' and we grow beyond our grove, move beyond our comfort zone and pledge our selves to break forth from the soils where we've rooted our lives inside of, sprouting above, and extending our branches toward the star-filled heavens.

What luxury would I take from life. The luxury of knowing that out there, across the gulf, there is a good friend to share a few moments with.

What luxury would you take from life?

Reaching the top

Across great distances, over hills, valleys and oceans there are invisible strands binding us together.
Threads, reaching out, connections made, broken, remade, and broken again...but ever present...


I know that someone has to do it, why not me. Why should I be the guy who sells advertising on the back of cash register tape? I'm sure that I could make a lot of money at it...someone has to do it...why not me?

I think that each of us set limits for ourselves. Perhaps the measure of ourself is how intimate we are with those boundaries we set. If we set no limits for ourself, then there is nothing to measure up to, no apex to reach and surpass, no plateau to come to rest upon. Having never been one to set limits on myself, perhaps it's time that I reevaluate that thought, to say to myself...this is what I'm capable of, and this is how I'm going to surpass that capability.

To scale the mountian, we must start at the bottom, slowly working our way up to the top, then upon finally reaching the top...we are free to see where we've been.

Hitting Bottom

To avoid revealing the intracacies of living and dying, we wrap pretty papers around our lives. Tying ribbons around our problems, sugar coating them as we impale them on sticks. Because, everyone has their own mini-series reality program that they are living, no one seems to care that their neighbor is in their own feature length film drama. Yet, somehow each of us manage to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep going, on until the commercial break at least.
It's funny sometimes that life throws so many things at us at once, one thing or another and suddenly we are running to the ends of the earth to find something most dear to us, when in reality, all of those things we need are so close. While, a heartbeat seems close, the touch of a cheek is much closer. The electronic world leaves little possibility of the soft touch of finger to cheek, so we are compelled by forces beyond us, larger than us, and outside of our spheres to dream, to desire, and to hope for better worlds elsewhere.
In each of our mini-series, we have the heroes and heroines, the villians, the struggle, the climax, and a denoument. Along the way of our telling, there will likely be a wedding, a birth, probably a few deaths, some heartache, some love, fear, hatred, mistrust, sleep, food, and the rest of the everyday mundaniety the our lifes are subject to througout the living.
Yet, at each of those junctures in our life we face those conflicts, some of us give up with suicides, homocides, withdrawal into our own little caves, or starting over completely from scratch. That's pretty much where I am at at this point in life.
My mini-series has been going on for too long, too much drama in it, and far too little enjoyment. The last time I had Chinese food, the fortune that I got was..

To be a man, means constant revision.

So, that is what has been going on for the last several years of this ongoing drama which has worked out to be the non-fictional tale of some guy, who happens to be me. I've been in constant re-write since October 2004, and my novel is at a dark chapter right now. I'm asking myself, what will the main character do now? How in the world will he get out of this mess that he's allowed himself to get into? But, somehow, things will work out...the show must go on!