Lately, odd forces have been at work in me, propelling me towards action. We look so often in our lives for moments of inaction, for 'down-time' those few stolen moments that we choose to share with our solitary selves. But, then at other times...there are moments when the Universe tells us we must seek the opposite. We are driven to seek out something other than ourself. Something which is a compliment to who we perceive ourselves to be.
Tomorrow, I have to take care of some personal business which has been a detriment to what Maslow would call my 'self-actualization'. This is a situation which has been on-going for over a year now and it's really been something which has given me a signifcant amount of pause in descisions which I've made or directions I've chosen to go. But, now that I'm staring it in the face, I'm forced to wonder why I've allowed this thing to hold me back in such a way?
The importance which I personally placed upon this event, this problem in my own life has ruled me, and I've allowed it to unable to do anything other than to wait.
Now, that I've waited all this time, I'm still grappling with the feeling of dread which comes with finally meeting the situation face to face. I know that I'm going to be fine no matter what happens with the situation, I know that after a few more hours of waiting that this too will pass much the same as anything else we face in our daily existence. But, this has been such a detrimental thing to me over the past year and a half that I've grown to put such limitations on myself and to cease the seeking which I'd previously been a part of.
I think that in the larger picture, that we choose to put the brakes on our own lives from time to time. It's a necessity, we have to pause to take stock of things, sometimes, those brakes that we choose are our own, and sometimes it's the Universe which determines that we need to look around and see where we are in our lives.
Who knows? Maybe there isn't a vein of stars calling out my name..
No glow, up above our heads..
Nothing there to see you down on your knees..
I like to think that there's something up there, something outside ourselves that we spend time in communication with. A force, whether it's God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddah, Confucius, Mohammed, Allah, or some other Diety which I've neglected to name that each of us communicates with for our direction. Perhaps it's just some higher part of ourselves, maybe the Superego, our center of reason that we ask for how to handle the hurdles in our lives from when we see them approaching to the moment when we finally must lift our leg and surpass them.
